Can I start this blog by apologising for Tim MacDonald’s woeful display of playing short pitch bowling? Yes I’m angry. 99 no and the number eleven gloves a short ball from a guy who is into his 50th over of the match. Clinton McKay won't mind me saying he wasn't bowling his quickest. Sore groins, ankles barking at him saying "why don't we ever get any tucan pie?". DUCK THE BALL TIM!! Instead, Tim plays the ball as if someone had inserted a stick of dynamite up his "Speedy Claxton" (bottom), jumping high into the air and letting out a little squeal, ballooning the ball to first slip. I’m left stuck on 99. One run short of my maiden first class century. One run - One (multiple expletives) run. The words I’m thinking of rhyme with Clucking Bell.
It’s a feeling that can't be explained. I have an analogy that might help put it into context. You are one piece away from finishing the 20,000 piece jigsaw puzzle your grandmother brought you for Christmas. I know what you’re thinking - Just give me the cash for Christmas.. kicking me in the shins would have been a better present!! Anyway, your one piece away from finishing the worst Christmas gift ever and it’s no where to be found... Where the (expletives) is it!!?? For hours and hours you've toiled away, and your one piece away from mastering the puzzle!! You ask questions of yourself. What have I done to deserve this? Why me? Who can I kill? Why does the MCG catering staff continue to give us these Macadamia Nut low fat muffins? Where are the chocolate ones?
The first month and a half of the season has gone by and we are already 40 per cent of the way through the season. Four 4 day games, four 1 day games. Sitting pretty at the top of the Ford Ranger Cup table, and not so pretty (Dane Anderson) in the 4 day version. A lot has been made of our batters form in the Weet-Bix Sheffield Shield. To me, it's not such a big deal. Sure, it would be nice to spend a full day with the thongs on watching Hilf attempt to do the Kidz Biz Crossword in the Herald. Actually, I'm going to secretly video him and put it on You Tube. It would be a massive hit... 1 across - Who is the captain of the PKF Tasmanian Tigers? Hilf "oh, what's his name?, um the round guy... oh, um - don't tell me I know this one.. aaaah. Got it. Ricky Punterning, no it’s um that guy that looks like Geeva's brother with the lego man hair - Dwayne Levrock!!" No Ben, it’s Dan Marsh, nice try though.
Our batting list has some terrific stroke players in it. No one needs to be reminded of that. You only need to look at our One-Day form to see they can all score runs. For some reason our attitude changes when we pull the creams on. Does it need to change? Get out there boys and play your shots. Respect the good balls and smash everything else to the boundary!! Maybe even take it up up street (Gerard Denton style) and hit it over the boundary!! I have no doubt our batting fortunes will change in the remaining six games. With four of our six games at Bellerive the runs will start flowing. We love you batters, from the bowling group xxooxx.
Let me give you a brief wrap up of the last month and a half... Tim Mac cost me a hundred but collected his maiden first class 5 wicket haul - well done, "Ranga" Anderson has gone back to his natural red locks, Trent (Rhett) Lockyear continues to impress all with his dance moves, The Coach had eye surgery and looked like he had gone 15 rounds with Lester Ellis, Dighta continues to smash booze, Turtle Birt may have found love and my Dallas Mavericks (NBA Basketball team) refuse to play defence.