99 not out...again

Glenorchy C.C's favourite son Brett Geeves latest blog-

99 not out...again!

- It is worth mentioning Brett's Blog's have made their way onto Cricket Australia's Homepage which recieves more than 50,000 hits per day

I have had some bad days in my time. Hit by a car at the age of 6; thank God I was wearing a bright orange Stack Hat. Sure the local kids laughed at me and called me pumpkin, but that thing saved my life. I once soiled my pants at a friends sleepover; We had been to the movies to watch Slumdog Millionaire (nominated for an incredible 10 Oscars) and I knew I shouldn't have had that 3rd Choc Top..

I was recently waived by the Delhi Daredevils. Quite a funny story actually.I sent an email to the manager of the team asking when I was required back in Delhi for the start of Tournament. The email I received was far from pleasant.. First off I was asked about an outstanding oversize luggage bill, then I was told I was no longer a required member of the Franchise!! You owe us cash… and you’re fired!! Ha - Take that!!

Last but certainly not least, I once cried in the toilets of the Newcastle No.1 Sports Ground while my team mates did their best no to pee their pants with laughter. Why was I crying? Macdonald had a vision for one ball that his skin colour changed, he was using a V600, wearing a white floppy hat and gold bangles around his wrist and neck. That’s right, for one ball Macdonalds name changed to Richie Richardson. Because of this vision, Macdonald thought he had the ability to play a square drive on one knee through extra cover..

Dear Macdonald,

I write this letter to you with the greatest respect for you and your family. You are currently expecting your first child with your beautiful wife Adelle and I know that you will give everything to being a perfect father and devoted family man. There are so many things to like about the way you go about your business. You love Beer, Burgers, Bourbon, Burners, Bayview Hotel and GETTING OUT ON ME WHEN I'M ON 99!!!!!! Will Ferrel says it best in the movie "Step Brothers". "Don't go to sleep, or I will smack you square in the nose you curly headed fire truck". No Macdonald, you are not black, nor do you wear any gold bling. The only thing you and Richie Richardson have in common is that he too enjoys the challenge of eating his own fist. What is wrong with you? I’m starting to think your doing this on purpose. Is Satan himself your employer? (This is not a reference to anyone at the TCA)

In conclusion, I would like to thank you for doing your best. It’s unfortunate that it's not good enough and you have caused me much heartbreak Macdonald. I would like to explain to you Macdonald why I am referring to you by your last name only. A teacher of mine in Primary School once taught us that it is disrespectful to call people by their last names. In all honesty, I will be calling you Macdonald for the rest of your time in Tasmania.

Many Thanks,

The Guy who used to be your friend...p.s. Pass on my best to Adelle, it’s not her fault you’re hopeless.

Ok, so in saying that.. Macca did his best. He stone walled 35 deliveries. We had a partnership of 50 and denied the NSW attack for almost an hour. You can't ask for much more from your no.11. I don't disrespect you Macca, I just flat out don't like you anymore.Did I cry in the toilets after walking off the ground? Yes. I sobbed like a grown man who just had his heart ripped clean out of his chest and trampled on by a 100kg Tiger with the words "Macdonald" painted on its back.. A lot was made of Roger Federer crying after his 5 set epic with "Rafer". I guess Fed Express and I have a lot in common; we both create an abnormal amount of top spin with our cross court backhands, we both have an abnormal amount of hair on our chest and we both cried like a couple of kids who didn't get their lolly bag at the end of the party. I’m not ashamed to be likened to The Fed Express..

Time to let go of Macdonald’s woeful batting......................................hang on a sec,, this is quite tough.................. oh good lord....................................................... you don't even know where extra cover is.................................................................................aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!....................

Forgotten - Moving on..

I was fortunate enough to attend the Allan Border Medal a few nights ago - Let me run you through a few of the highlights/lowlights of the night from the eyes of a bogan i.e me..

Highlight No.1 - Darren Lehmann’s opening address - Wow!! Made a sexual remark aimed at on stage model Chelsea Butler, told Federal Sports Minister Kate Ellis she is the hottest MP in Parliament and was seen leaving the "After Party" at close (4:00am) - Bogan Ranking - All 5 spuds

No.2 - Fellow Bogans on Table 91 (Tasmanian rep table) stealing their table sign as a momento of their first time using cutlery.. Duval(Lutana/Port Adelaide), Butterworth (Bridgewater), Doherty (George Town), Coyle (South Launceston) - Well Done Gang, 4 spuds

No.3 - Hilfenhouse in a bow tie. The biggest bogan of them all in a bow tie. Playing for Australia has changed you Ben.. Remember your brickie days? Remember driving that VN Commodore with the fully sick spoiler and the sports exhaust .. the one that got stolen and burnt out... What about the gold stud in your ear? You've even lost your ability to play pool for money in pubs. I know deep down you remember. Sell your penthouse apartment that overlooks Bellerive Quay, and re find your "touch" from 06/07. 0 Spuds

In brief - Tassie boys still a chance for the four-day final - Needing a double bonus point in Ford Ranger.. well played Vics - Simon Katich is the best player in the world (in his weight division..), just infront of Phillip Hughes.. two boys that love pummeling the boys in Green "Level 5" style. Speaking of, how good was the "Warner loves Green" prediction? I’m now following the Mumbai Indians in the IPL - Dallas Mavericks have turned the corner - Lebron James 52 points, 10 rebounds, 11 assists and 2 blocks - I still love chips - Since writing this blog Lebron had his triple double taken away from him as one of the rebounds was wrongly recorded. Lebron James 52 points, 9 rebounds, 11 assists and 2 blocks... and yes, I still love chips.

Also making news since the completion of this entry, Timmy Mac and his beautiful wife Adelle had a gorgeous baby girl - Tessa Mae Macdonald. All the best to you little Tessa Mae, you have been brought into this world with two of the kindest and loving people as your parents.

I’m doing my best to think of something nasty to say about Macdonald.. I’m done