Being injured is a nightmare!! I feel like Bill Murray on Groundhog Day. I wake up, hit the snooze button 6 times, skip breakfast, swim some laps at the local pool, eat some lunch and check the NBA box scores, head down to the gym and do some calf raises on the reformer, eat dinner, play some nuffy in the states at online NBA 2k9 on the PS3, he beats me so I give him a poor sportsmanship rating (I'm a horrible loser) then go to bed - The next day brings the exact same thing.
There are so many negatives to being injured. So rather than bore you with my sob story (light violin playing in the background); I have decided to tell you about the positives. This may get me in trouble with the coach, but I’m willing to take him on. He's only small.
1. You can train away from the main squad - Because I have a broken big toe, I don't have a lot to offer around the group. As I mentioned earlier, my training is swimming and calf raises. Sure, I told the coach I was swimming when our squad sessions were scheduled. But who gets out of bed before 9am to go swimming? I can think of two scenarios that would get me swimming before 9am… McDonald's Drive Thru on the way home. Man I love a McHash Brown - The other - If Hayley Lewis was my training partner. She's old school hot!! Something has happened to the elite swimmers of today. They're all too broad. Bring back the slim Susie O’Neill and Geoff Huegill (doing it for the big chaps Stuey Dew style)!!
2. Sympathy - The "moon" boot is a winner with everyone who has a heart. I've had countless offers to carry my shopping bags to my car, people go out of their way to hold doors open and my local butcher gave me an extra thick cut on my weekly T-Bone. Unfortunately it hasn't got me out of ironing, washing dishes, vacuuming, mowing the lawns, walking the dogs, cooking dinner, mopping the floor with a toothbrush, hanging the clothes on the line, getting the morning paper, feeding the dogs and hand washing the cars in a mankini - WHAT? Maybe I could get some sympathy from you the reader? If you could send a $5er to the TCA c/- Brett Geeves that would definitely show me how much you guys care about my cause…Do you have a heart?
3. Christmas Break - To all you youngsters out there, if you’re going to get injured; do it when you can really enjoy yourself. No point pulling your Hamstring off the bone in the middle of June!! Pre Season training on crutches would be hopeless. Do it just before the Christmas break and ho down on your mum’s Chrissie pudding!! You have a few extra weeks to work it off and everyone else is going to come back all puddined up anyway. You have a legitimate excuse to be a little chubby. Say to the coach "You try running without a hamstring coach"!! Also, if you have big events coming up on your social calendar i.e. Brother's Wedding, New Year’s Eve party…That’s also a good time to stub your toe a few times on the end of a hammer.
*** Please note kiddies, I’m not telling you to go out and smash yourself with a hammer........ It’s a suggestion!!
Before I injured myself, I ran into a Hurricane named DAVID WARNER. It’s a level 5 Hurricane and should be treated with extreme caution. Lock yourself inside with a whole heap of food and water when Hurricane WARNER hits town, because things are going to get ugly. Whatever you do, for the love of god and all that is human…DO NOT take it on wearing a green shirt, hat and pants. As Colin Lane (Lano and Woodley) would put it "oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear".Ever since Level 5 destroyed our bowling attack, I have gone out of my way to make sure I have watched his innings' on FOX in the hope he does the same thing to the other teams. But no, it seems he thrives on beating up the poor old Tassie boys who dress in Green.I have a theory… It’s a bit out there, but give it a chance. Level 5 should play for Australia in the up coming One Day Series against South Africa and New Zealand. I know what you are thinking - Two innings don't make a player, blah blah. Its obvious to me that Level 5 has a fetish for green. Play him against South Africa only!! Then when Bangladesh come to town - ship him straight into the top of the order! Kenya v Australia at the G. Guess who? That’s right, the man who sleeps with a Kermit the Frog doll, why you ask? Because it’s Green - Level 5. I’m not sure if the Lime Green colours of Pakistan hit the right buttons for Level 5, happy to run with it though. New Town Cricket Club vs Australia - Here comes Level 5!!Well batted Level 5, you took clean hitting to a new level - See you in the Black and Red of the Delhi Daredevils..
Christmas Day was the first time in my families history there hasn't been a fight between my brother Sam and I. Last year was probably the best one. It didn't come to blows like previous years but it was definitely the funniest. We were playing some late afternoon Euchre. My playing partner was Sam’s wife (who has never played Euchre in her life). We were pitted against Sam and my old man (who are both Euchre geniuses). So Charlotte and I are getting an absolute smashing from the two big wigs. I thought it would be fair if I rigged the deck and dealt the joker off the bottom of the deck to myself, and a few Jacks to Charlotte. After we won four or five hands Sam became a little suspicious and began watching my actions closely. I took his eyes on like I was some sort of card shark in Vegas. Big mistake. He saw me clearly cheating and gave me a frightening ear full. Lesson learnt. When I reneged (twice) in the next hand he grabbed all the cards and threw them at me vowing never to play cards with me ever again because cheating at cards is like making the Devils bed. Not just making the bed, but giving it the royal service with a proper fluffing of the pillows and full hospital folds, then refilling his night glass with fresh water from Tasmania's cleanest waterfall and placing some mints on his pyjamas that you have washed and crisply ironed!! Christmas Day this year was a ripper. Lots of food, lots of drink and we behaved like a normal family!
I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and the year 2009 is fruitful for all!
